Encouragement vs. Praise

Hello all!

I hope you had a chance to view the video above.  I have been noticing that the videos I have been attaching haven't been showing up.  I am new to this and once I get the hang of it, I promise it will be much better!  Bear with me!

PRAISE:  The definition of praise is to express warm approval or admiration of.  An example of praising would be, "Good job Serenity!  That picture is beautiful!"

ENCOURAGEMENT:  The definition of encouragement is the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope. An example of encouragement would be, "I see your picture Serenity!  What did you make?"

Do you see the difference between the two?  When I first began teaching at Head Start, I could not understand why we were not allowed to praise children.  I mean, every child should be praised right? 

 

Boy did I learn that was wrong and I learned the hard way.  I would praise children every chance I got because I though I was encouraging.  The children that I would praise because reliant on me praising them.  I created PRAISE JUNKIES!  They would only do things to gain my attention and not only that, the children who couldn't do it didn't receive my praise and how do you think they felt?  Pretty bad, I tell you!  Not that they ever told me but come on, we adults can only imagine how they felt.  Praising helps no one and when a child depends on someone to recognize them through praising for EVERYTHING they do, guess what they turn into... attention seeking, praise reliant, can't do anything without someone noticing or telling them "Good job" adults.  Those are the one's who someone has to tell them, "Good Job" or pat their backs and if they don't get that, they don't feel valued.  Is that how you want your child to grow up?  I don't think so. 

 

 

Praising is a way we as adults use to manipulate children.  "Oh, good job Londyn.  You wrote your name so good!  Oh Dadrian, that's not your name.  Londyn wrote all the letters in her name"  While Londyn is happy that you noticed her, Dadrian is not and you have just made him feel bad about his work. Maybe Dadrian is not on the same level developmentally as Londyn and he is doing the best he knows how.  Can you see how that is belittling to a child?  You are making one child feel good about themselves while shaming another one.  How could we encourage Dadrian to write his name?  While we know he is scribbling, we need to meet him at his level so if he is making letter-like forms, acknowledge that.  "Oh Dadrian, I see that you are writing.  What letters did you make?"  He will then tell you what letters he wrote.  As he tell you the letters that he has written, write them down for him so that he can see the correct way to write them.  He will then refer to your writing to try to write it in the correct form.  Eventually, he will get it.  Bottom line:  praising increases pressure and that is not something we want our children to experience.

 

 

We want to always encourage our children in everything that they do.   There are many alternatives to praising and the one I use frequently is to simply say what I see.  If a child says, "Ms. Williams, look I wrote my name."  I simply say, "I see that you wrote your name.  What letter is this?"  I have just acknowledged the child's work and I am not having a teachable moment.  Let's create more thinkers, challengers, and strong decision-makers and less praise junkies and people pleasers!

 

 

 

Name Credits:

 

*Shout out to Dadrian, Londyn, and Serenity!



Mommy, Mommy!!!

Hello again and thank you for taking the time out to support my blog! I am so excited and I have so many great things to share with you! 

Since I focused on fathers yesterday, or the lack of, I think it's only fair to channel in on mothers. Mothers are equally as important as a father.  Our children should have that special relationship with their mother. Mothers are there to shape and mold their children into sensible, respectful individuals.  A mother should show their daughter how to be classy and a young lady at all times. She should communicate with her daughter on ways to be respected by others. A mother should demonstrate to her son a role model of the woman he should be attracted to. A woman who carries herself with dignity and respect. Are you that mother to your child?

As young parents, we are getting caught up with "that life" which includes dating, partying, and having fun. There isn't anything wrong with that but as the old saying goes, it's not what you do, but how you do it. Mothers, your children are watching you and everything they see you doing, they are going to want to do it because they see no wrong in you. As the young lady said on "Lean on Me", "When my baby looks at me, she don't see no wrong" and that is how your child looks at you. So ask yourself, are you setting a good example for your child? Is that man your with now the type of man you want to raise your child, or, does he even like your kids? There is nothing wrong with dating anyone but your child doesn't have to "date" every man you are. Be cautious about who you bring around your children and who you leave your children with. Not everyone has good intentions with your child.

It is also okay to hang out and have fun with friends but I encourage you to do so in moderation.  Ask yourself, "what example am I setting for my child?" What message are you conveying to your child when you hang out more than spending time with your child. Eventually your child will feel unwanted thinking you like/love your friends more than them. That is certainly not the way we want our children to feel.  If you know that you like to hang out, schedule "dates" to spend  with your children. Let them chose what the want to do while their on the date. This will help them gain a sense of value. They will feel as if they are wanted and they will respect that time they have with you. While I'm sure you love your child(ren), they should know it too. We sometimes think a child "just knows" things, but that is merely an assumption. Take time to tell your child how much you love them. Share encouraging words about why you love them, not simply because they are your child. Point out their uniqueness and talents to them every chance you get. Help them to gain a positive sense of self.

If you enjoyed making that child, YOU should enjoy taking care of and nurturing that child (that goes for men too)!  Let's raise our children to be the kings and queens they are! 

Introduction

Hello and thank you for taking the time to check out my blog! This is my first time "blogging" and I am very excited about what doors this will open for our future which is OUR YOUTH. 

The purpose of this blog is to keep you informed about ways we can continually educated our children no matter their age. Education is very important  and should not be taken lightly.  Our children should view education as imperative  in order to have a successful future.

In this blog you will notice that I focus on young boys/males a lot. The reason for this is because our young black males are accounting for large numbers as it relates to murders and other crimes. We are losing them to violence and more sadly, suicide. It is time that we work hard to educated our children and keep them educated or the streets will. Unfortunately if the streets get to your child, you may not be able to physically touch them anymore.

Did you know that the prison system projects how many inmate beds they will need based off how many children (majority black males) are not at grade level by 3rd grade? That is baffling! 3rd grade??? When I found that out, I was determined to make sure my son did well in 3rd grade. Thank God and he is also doing well in the 4th grade! But not all children are and we as parents and educators must step in and figure out ways to help our children succeed. Don't sit around and wait for your child's teacher to teach them. YOU are YOUR child's first teacher. Do all you can to do your job! Don't sit around and wait for the teachers to tell you your child is acting up and failing. Get involved in your child's school and learning. Volunteer at the school or send frequent, friendly emails to your child's teacher to keep the lines of communication open.  I've noticed that you are respected more when you do this. 

While I am going to conclude my first blog, I want to leave you with something which is a suggested read: Learning While Black by Janice E. Hale. Please share your thoughts with me about the reading and/or this blog at nokidleft@gmail.com.

Thank you for your support and I look forward to sharing activities, thoughts, and ideas with you!

Educationally yours,
Miesha

The Fatherless Child

Hey you,

I'm coming to you with a very sensitive subject that is impacting our children one life at a time.  The fatherless child. When I say fatherless, I am referring to the child who's biological father is inactive in that child's life. I am not downplaying the role of a stepfather because I know that stepfathers can make a huge difference, but that child who does not have an active male in their life.

I am very aware of the fact that children are growing up in single parent homes more so now than before.  I not saying that to be a bad thing because I am a result of that situation, but not everyone is the same. Many of our males are growing up and turning to illegal activities because they do not have that positive male role model in their life. Now, I am well aware that can be the case if one was present, but let's focus on the situation where he is not present.

Have you ever had a conversation with a teen or male that sold drugs? How many times have we heard them say they did it to help their mom or help take care of their siblings? I've heard it far too many times. Our children, our youth is infatuated with the fast money, glitz, and glam that comes with this illegal lifestyle that they drop out of school just to live that life. Money, cars, clothes, jewels, and multiple women. Oh boy! They think that's the life and why wouldn't they when everything around the revolves around that? We are living in a world where it is expected that girls go to college and boys don't. We're the young man is teased and ridiculed for attending college instead of "hustling". That's not the way it should be.

We must get control of our children and show them that is not the life they want to live.  We are living in a society where working men are looked down on and disrespect and strippers (no disrespect) get more respect than career women. This is the world our children are growing up in. We must instill morals and values into our children so that when it is time for them to care for their own family, they are equipped with the tools they need to succeed in raising their children to the best of their ability.  Our children need TOOLS which are morals, values, education, respect, and integrity. We all know no one can complete their job without the proper tools. A gardner can't garden without their special tools, a handyman can't complete their job without their tools, so why would you allow your child to grow without their tools.  Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in a way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Let's train our babies up to be responsible citizens!

Fathers, I encourage you to be there for your children whether it is a boy or girl. Give them the love and nurturing they need from a father. It is only so much we can do as women, as mothers. Remember, you are your daughter's first love and you are the man your son should be looking up to.  You show your child how to love and respect not only themselves, but others. No matter if you are with the woman or not, your child needs YOU!